This month I officially started my new job and this week, after contracting for the first three weeks, I’m officially on board full time. Now that the dust is finally starting to settle, I’m finding a new routine. One of my favorite parts is reading along with She Reads Truth’s online Bible study every morning as soon as I get on the train.
When we started the book of Ruth I was all like, “Oh, that’s cool. I saw a great message on Ruth just a few months ago.” Until we got to the part where Ruth’s mother in law changes her name from Naomi (which means “pleasant”) to Mara (which means “bitter”) and I was all, “This book is blowing my mind!”
Because Naomi’s circumstances were threatening to swallow her whole, and I know what that’s like.
Earlier this year when I committed to the word “follow” and seeing what God had in store for me, I had no idea circumstantially what it would mean. I just knew that things had gotten off track I felt like I was being swallowed whole.
I’d spent the previous three years doing everything that everyone else expected of me in order to provide for my family and keep the in laws happy, and before I knew it I was miserable. Seriously, just swallowed whole.
Where previously I believed the names God called me like Chosen, Redeemed, Restored, and Healed (I mean, seriously, being healed was one of the most awesome experiences of my life), I started to internalize or resent the other words I heard thrown my way like Uneducated, Low Class, Unskilled, Midwesterner (that one was supposed to be a slur, but I’ll wear it with pride), Unfashionable, Not Good Enough until kind of like Naomi the only words I knew to describe myself were Bitter, Worn Out, and Desperately in Need of a New Job.
The truth is I took that job out of a fear that God wasn’t going to provide if I didn’t take the first thing I found (even when it didn’t feel right at all) and I covered it up with a million justifications and excuses until I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.
I love that moment when Naomi tells Ruth to go to the threshing room floor and meet Boaz, because it reminds me of that time when we have nothing more than a hunch and a mustard seed of faith that God has something more in store for us than Bitter.
And I love that she was right! Not only did God restore both her and Ruth, but Ruth had a son that became the grandfather of David. God had amazing things in store.
I don’t know what’s happening in my life beyond today, but I can tell you guys I’m so overwhelmed and thankful for what He’s already done. When He took Heshan and me out of that bitter place and gave us the mustard seed of faith to jump, leave that job, and trust He had something more for us in store than bitterness and stress.
And while a new job is part of it – did I tell you guys I get to spend my days making wedding planning easier, and I love every second of it?! – that’s not all. The biggest part is knowing the names He calls me again and remembering they’re true. Remembering that I’m Chosen, Adopted, Called, Provided For, Redeemed, Restored, Loved, and Healed.
I’ll share more with you guys about the nitty gritty details soon. Right now I’ve been busy working on an exciting project and building a whole lot of margin into my life as Myquilin says. Steph and I have also been knee deep in planning out our Hudson River Valley summer vacation, and I can’t wait to kick off my wedges, throw on my flip flops, and spend 4 days relaxing together, antiquing, and eating amazing sugar-free ice cream at Moo Moo’s.
I’m linking up with the She Reads Truth community for #SheSharesTruth